The Turning Point {{CASSIUS}}

Aodhan watched as the second hand on the clock moved around the face and felt the momentarily rush of excitement slowly fade and sink. The adrenaline that had carried him all the way from Dublin that morning on the portkey and to the pub was ebbing away, leaving a strange taste in his mouth and he wondered for a moment if maybe this had been the wrong thing to do. It was not the first time he had run away from home but was he really running away? He had thought that he had only been leaving to attend the interview, but now, he was not sure what he was doing. Normally his impulsive choices were not quite so calculated though he had been considering this for a while. If he were honest with himself, deep down, he had wanted to make it to London, to the interview. Yet now, here in London, he had no idea of what would follow.

His leg tapped nervously as six o’clock past and the sinking feeling was joined with a feeling of disappointment, Cas had not got his letter, or worse. . .yet just as his mind began to wonder, a familiar voice spoke. The sound caused Aodhan to jump unaware of how tense he had been before a bright smile replaced the momentary surprise, “Cas.” He managed in a breathless voice. It had been months since he had last seen the other lad but Cas had not changed, at least not that much, he still had that same stilling presence that seemed to make everything else in a room seem to fall away, that same ability to hold Aodhan’s attention, even if he was only looking at him. It had been apparent in school, when the other boy had been able to get Aodhan to focus on some things that the teen had generally found difficult, but it seemed all the more obvious now. For a moment all the restless energy and busyness of Aodhan’s mind calmed. It calmed enough for him to register the look in those pale blue eyes and the frown on the other blonde’s features.

“Oh. . .it’s nothing. . .just banged my head” he stopped himself from continuing by biting down on the inside of his lip as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He had almost forgotten about the bruise but under Cas’ attention the pain seemed to return and he registered that it had swollen quite a bit since that morning. His hand twitched, about to reach up to check it but he faltered and looked back at Cas, his cheeks feeling warm. It was useless to deny the obvious but the bruise was not the reason why he was there. Talking about it, getting into the details of what had caused it or most of the other marks on his body would feel like a waste of time, especially when there were more pressing issues, like what he was going to do about his interview. . .Or whether there was anything he could do. Honestly, he was not entirely sure why he had messaged Cas, but he knew that the older lad had always been there for him in the past, even if Aodhan had been reluctant to accept it.

“Please, sit?” Aodhan looked up at him, taking in Cas’ attire and how put together he looked. Just as he had at school, Aodhan found himself in awe of just how clean and crisp his brother could look, certainly not something that had rubbed off on him during all the time they had spent at school together. Aodhan glanced down to his own shirt, one he had owned for five or so years and that was getting larger on him day by day as he thinned out. He looked back to Cas a moment as the nervous energy returned wondering how he could explain everything that had just happened, but instead he asked something he had been longing to know, for months now, that he had not felt like he had the chance to ask, “how have you been?”

It was not that Aodhan consciously made the decision to lie to Cas just then. It was just easier to pass it off, make it seem like clumsiness on his own part. In a truth, it had been, he should have been more focused on his father’s fists than his mother’s words, and yet, with so much experience he still made mistakes. It did not matter now though, aside from the large bruise he was fine, Cas did not need to worry, even though Aodhan could tell from the fact that the other man had asked, that he was.

It was a strange feeling, to realise that someone was showing concern for you, that someone cared. It felt foreign and odd, and yet Aodhan was not so detached to know that to feel concern for people who mattered to you was normal. He would care if anything ever happened to Cas, but that felt natural, it felt different when the roles were reversed, perhaps because Aodhan was so used to caring for himself, being in his own little bubble that he forgot there was a world out there. London was just outside the door, a street bustling with people all with their own stories to tell. The bruise on his face did not make his story any more important than any of those other people, not to him.

It was why he changed the subject, he was sure Cas’ story was far more interesting and important than his own. Or rather, he would much rather listen to it than relive yet another example of why the letter was so important to him.

“Busy,” Cas replied and despite the mild disappointment that the other lad had not elaborated how Aodhan would have liked him to, he couldn’t say he was entirely surprised. Out of the pair of them he was the one more inclined to keep talking. Cas kept his words short and to the point. It had been one of the first things Aodhan had ever noticed about him. Yes, Cas could hold a conversation and he often did with Aodhan but the younger blonde was under no illusion that for every to-the-point word that the other boy had said, Aodhan had probably spoken three times the amount, and it was mostly just chatter to fill the silence. Fortunately he had grown accustomed to the fact that silence around Cas was not a bad thing and in fact he had grown to appreciate the silence the other lad had provided.

“Working,” Aodhan pursed his lips, eyes holding a smile as he felt a flicker of satisfaction when Cas did elaborate. He was not sure if it made him sad, but he liked it when Cas gave him the gift of more words. Of course, he understood that Cas could not speak of his job and what it entailed even though he had done his best to get him to when the older Slytherin had started working at the Ministry. Yet the smile that had just about made it on to Aodhan’s lips faltered as Cas fixed him with a look and a question.

“Why are you here? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you. It’s just a little unexpected.”

Aodhan looked back at him steadily but as he did, his brow began to furrow and he could feeling his heart skip in his chest. Of course, the point of their meeting was going to come up, he realised he had just hoped for a minute more so he could have a better idea as to how to breach the topic. Finally, he let out a soft sigh, brow still furrowed. After looking at Cas for a moment longer he, turned away from him and reached into his pocket. The letter was crumpled slightly, marks of Aodhan’s haste to leave and all the times he had reached in to check it was still there, to all the other times he had taking it out to read it.

He handed the letter over to Cas, the Ministry seal evident at the top. Managing in a smaller voice, “I’ve an interview.” He waited for Cas to take the letter before returning his hands back to his side of the table, fidgeting nervously with his fingers as he watched Cas.

Despite the nervousness he was feeling, Aodhan knew that it was useless to hold off showing Cas the letter. It explained things better than he could. He had an interview for the Auror Training Programme the next day. He had never been to the Ministry before and he was not entirely sure how to get there. If he had been a little more prepared he could have arranged to stay somewhere closer, he could have got a better outfit to wear, and yet, even now he was getting the same feeling he had when he had first read the letter, was he even going to go for it? Was he ready? He watched Cas as his knee started up again under the table. Even with one day to go, had he left it too late?

Aodhan sat nervously fidgeting with his fingers as he watched Cas open the envelope with ease and skim his eyes over the writing inside. His stomach did a nervous flip as he tried to make sense of the look behind those blue eyes and swallowing nervously as he tried to ease some of the nervous energy that was building inside him. Upon his words, a smile erupted on the other man’s face and Aodhan was momentarily stunned by the sight, not because he had never seen Cas smile, it was always an achievement when he managed such an occurrence. It was more that the anxious twisting inside him and the weeks of doubt, and all the questions made the response seem strange. However, Aodhan reminded himself that he hadn’t exactly expected any particular response, up until twenty-four hours ago, he had been expecting Cas to be annoyed, even angry that he was going to miss his interview, not that Cas would have known about the interview until Aodhan had told him long after the date had passed. Still, as strange as it was to see the smile, Aodhan couldn’t help but be put at some ease. He watched as Cas read the letter, realising he was reading it over and he pursed his lips nervously waiting for something but unsure of what.

“Aodhan, this is—this is brilliant,” finally Cas spoke and Aodhan found himself once again met with a smile. He felt a strange prickling sensation inside his chest, unsure if it was relief or surprise. “I knew you could do it,” Cas had praised him before, praised him when he had got the NEWT grades he had needed to continue at Hogwarts. Praised him again when he had got the correct OWL grades also. Praise was something he had experienced before at the hand of the other blonde, and yet, it still made Aodhan feel strange. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he figured that when his mind had a tendency of telling him he wasn’t good enough, and praise wasn’t something he heard all that much, it would always catch him a little off-guard. He was getting better at accepting it though, he thought, the first time Cas had praised him he had cried. Now, he didn’t think he would cry, but he still didn’t think he deserved it. . .

“I’m so proud of you,” the words were across the table and filling his chest before Aodhan could really feel the weight of them. They pulled a small albeit sheepish smile from his lips as he looked back, feeling a dull ache in his chest as he met Cas’ gaze. It was the same dull ache he had felt any time he had tried to write a letter to him. He had missed him, so terribly much.

Aodhan blinked quickly as he registered his eyes beginning to water and he frowned gently, looking down to his hands. He pulled them apart and pressed his palms flat to the table, registering his swollen cheek in his peripheral.

“You don’t seem happy about it.” Cas added and Aodhan felt the part of him that had been swelling with Cas’ praise slowly deflate. He looked up and over to Cas, brow furrowing before he quickly shook his head, “it’s not that.” He managed, sounding a bit startled, his voice seeming distant to his own ears just then. “I just, I’m happy. . .” he drew in a shaky breath before letting it out steadily. “I’m happy about it, that I’ve got one, after everything. . .but Cas, I don’t know what I’m going to do? What if I suck? What if they take one look at me and realise that the place they gave me for an interview should have gone to someone else? Someone smarter?  Someone who knows when to keep their mouth shut and doesn't get into stupid arguments with people, or can't even dodge a punch he knew was coming!” The words tumbled out, now that he had Cas in front of him, now that he was free to talk they had found their way from his lips yet Aodhan still managed to keep his voice low enough for own Cas to hear.  At least, he supposed, he was able to do that.  “There’s the interview, and then the fitness test, and then dear knows how many other stages after that, and that’s before training. I’ve been out of the magical world for two months now, all my magic books got burned one day I went out. . .” he trailed off, he hadn’t meant to say that, but it was the truth. He had come home to find his trunk emptied and the remains of his magic books in the fireplace, the only one that had managed to escape was his Monster Book of Monsters which he had managed to calm down after finding it crammed behind his wardrobe. All of his charms and potions books with his notes from school had been destroyed. He had cried himself to sleep that night but of course blamed himself, he was of age, he should have cast a protection charm on everything, but he had not. He had proceeded to do so on all of his personal and sentimental items after that and locked his room magically every time he left it. Fortunately most of the spells he had learned at school, he remembered.

Aodhan looked back at him with a steady gaze and a gentle frown, “I nearly wasn’t going to go for it, ‘cept this happened,” he gestured to his cheek, “still don’t know if I’m going to go for it. . .but I’m here. I want to. . .” he trailed off, admitting softly feeling another familiar ache. He had wanted to be an Auror long before he knew the job existed, long before he had thought he was even capable of getting it. Now his opportunity had come and he was scared of making the wrong choice.

As he spoke Aodhan could feel his words cementing around him, making him all the more sure of the outcome if he were to take the interview. Of course the fact that Cas did not interject made them see all the more definite. He was familiar with the other man’s stillness. It had taken him a while to realise that that was just Cas. In the beginning, he had been inclined to think that the other boy had been judging him, with how quiet he was, with how he looked at him with slightly pursed lips and steady eyes, but Aodhan had learned that that was what control looked like. Aodhan didn’t really have control, not back then, and still not now. He had moments where he felt like he did, where things seemed to come with as much ease as they seemed to for Cas, but for the most part, he felt like everything just spilled out of him, emotions, words…born from his best attempts at holding everything in. Another reason why becoming an Auror was probably never going to happy, he didn’t have control.

“The interview process will be hard,” Cas began, and Aodhan barely managed to refrain from letting out a soft breath. Well he knew this. It had been what had kept him up most nights, wondering just how difficult it would be. He had even found himself trying to challenge himself with things each day, just to see if he could do them, though he drew the line at getting on a broomstick, both for the fear of how high it would get and the complications of being seen.

“It has to be. They have high standards to maintain.” If Aodhan thought that Cas would give him a pep talk, try to steer him away from the thoughts he had been having lately, he was mistaken. His heart sunk as the words carried. He understood they had high standards. He knew that the Aurors weren’t like Hit-wizards. They were the top, the best of the best. It was perhaps why they appealed to a boy who had grown up in the environment that he had. The crux of the matter was that Aodhan wanted to make the world better. He could do that as a Hit-wizard, but he didn’t want to be just a Hit-wizard. Yet, perhaps he really was being too ambitious. He had been called a dreamer and told to get his head out of the clouds a lot at Hogwarts. It seemed the only person who had seemed to think he could do it was Cas, but even that seemed to be fading away. Aodhan swallowed the uncomfortable feeling down, resisting the urge to tell Cas just then that he could do it, hadn’t he just shown that he too thought there had been a mistake?

Aodhan held Cas’ gaze as he leaned in, feeling his heart thudding heavily, doubt causing it to weigh heavily in his chest, his knee had stopped shaking under the table, all of his focus going on his older brother. “You don’t know what they’re looking for past the N.E.W.T. grades needed to apply, so don’t count yourself out,” Cas’ voice was soft but steady, the words settled in the air around him and Aodhan blinked as they sunk in. For a moment it was evident behind blue-green eyes that he had not been expecting these words, and yet Cas continued.

“Do you realise how selective the department is?” Aodhan didn’t answer, he knew the question was rhetorical, even though the urge to nod his head was there, he knew. He had scoured all the books he could find in the library at Hogwarts that mentioned anything to do with being an Auror. Of course, none went into too much detail of the process, but he could gather from just the bits that he had found of how intense it might be. He had even taken notes, learned spells that he thought might come in handy. Yet all those notes and scribbles in the corners of textbooks were now ash.

“How many people apply every year and never even get an interview? You have the interview. You’re halfway there. Quit now and you’ll regret it forever.”

Aodhan looked steadily back at him, the older lad’s words resting on his shoulders but while he was used to words carrying weight, these were different. They lifted him up and caused a flicker of something in his chest, something akin to excitement, no. . .confidence.

Aodhan drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, eyes lowering to the table to his hands that he realised had stilled from their fidgeting, breathing into the calm that had settled with the older former Slytherin’s words. “I got the interview. . .” he managed finally, heart skipping. Realisation dawning as he looked back at Cas, “I met all the criteria for interview,” he managed, not bothering to hide the fact that this was only really dawning on him now. He had been so caught up in the fear of the questions he would be asked in how he would even get to London, he hadn’t even realised just how far he had come. Aodhan’s brows raised in surprise as his eyes widened slightly for a different reason, “I could have a chance.” His voice was barely above a whisper but the weight of his words was evident. If he managed to get through the interview process, if he managed to get on the training program, it would change his life. It would change everything. “I wouldn’t need to go back home. I could be something?” As the words spilled from his mouth in an awed whisper he could feel an ache of longing deep within him, behind his eyes he could feel a stinging and he blinked. He stared back at Cas wondering if the older lad knew just what this could mean for him.

”This could be your home now,” Cas told him, “Not the Leaky Cauldron, the city.”

Aodhan found himself staring in awe at him, his mind reeling, enough to make him feel light headed and he found himself tugging in a breath, letting it out shakily as he tried to make sense of the rush of thoughts and ideas and emotions that were all swirling for pride of place. Just a few hours ago, he had barely thought he would be here, let alone entertaining the idea of a whole new life. Whether it was another city or not, London felt (and was) miles away from the home he had known. He had heard that every city had a pulse, he definitely felt it here, not so much at home but really that could have been because despite growing up in Dublin, Aodhan had never felt an emotional connection to the city that was positive. London was where Cas was, where he had come to get his school supplies to start Hogwarts, where he had thought to come when things had felt so up in the air. London was not home, but it could be.

”You’re an adult now. You get to decide how your life looks. Where you call home. Who you call family.” Cas smiled to him and Aodhan felt a tugging in his chest, the words meaning more to him than he figured Cas meant them to, or perhaps he did. Cas did know him better than anyone it seemed. Yet it was the words that followed hit this thought home. ”You never have to go back there again if you don’t want to.”

They settled on Aodhan’s shoulders like a warm blanket as he held Cas’ gaze. He felt a warmth prickle his cheeks from his outburst only moments before.  He hadn't intended to let it slip the real cause for the bruise but he figured that it was silly to think that Cas didn't already have some idea.  Of course he did.  Whether it was Aodhan's imagination or not, it had just come as an unspoken rule that neither of them openly spoke about home.  Yet it didn't mean that Aodhan didn't know about Cas' homelife either.  For Aodhan at school, when he himself  had let slip some detail or comment that shared his secrets with the other blonde there had been little pockets of freedom to be felt.  The idea that he wasn't alone in the castle.  Cas was that for Aodhan.  Granted, these moments had come from Aodhan being angry a lot of the time and not exactly knowing how to deal with his frustrations, but it hadn’t taken him long to trust the other older Slytherin, to look up to him. Aodhan could count on his hand the people that he trusted. Whether consciously or not, he realised he had been choosing a family outside of the one he had grown up with for a long time. He had fallen on the big brother he had always wanted by accident. Finding himself being guided through school by someone who had been willing to take the time with him and disputed all the things that other people had said about him being useless and stupid; the rhetoric that Aodhan had come to believe about himself. Cas may not be blood, but he was family and Aodhan had never felt it more than right now as his eyes turned shiny and he made the action of clearing his throat, a rush of emotions that he couldn’t process rising in his chest.

Aodhan betrayed a soft breath, the idea that he would never have to share a roof with his father was dizzying. However it was tainted with a flicker of guilt as he reminded himself that he would be leaving his mother alone with him. Yet despite even this, Aodhan couldn’t help the rush of words that left his mouth just then, “I could live here, I wouldn’t have to go home, I wouldn’t have to lock my things away or hide my owl or my magic. . .I could get a real job, we would be working at the same place Cas.” He couldn’t help himself as his eyes lit up looking over at the other blonde, the bruise by his eye a dull ache as his face betrayed the excitement and awe of all the possibilities that now lay before him. “You could show me London, show me where you’re living. . .” he trailed off just long enough to take a breath before a thought struck him and he added softly, “where I could live. . .if I get this,” he added softly, a not so subtle reminder to himself that he did not yet have the job, only the interview.

Sometimes it was easy for Aodhan to get carried away with things. If the events of the past twelve or so hours had proven anything, it was that he had a tendency to act first and think later, but even so, he couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t being unreasonable as he sat there feeling an excited thrill at the prospect that he could soon be living and working where Cas was, where Harry was.

Aodhan’s heart skipped as he recalled the last time he had seen Harry, it felt like an age ago, even though it had only been at the start of the summer. It was strange now, a month or so later that he was sat in the Leaky Cauldron, with an interview for a Ministry job when this had been what he had felt so far away from when he had spoken to her. Another topic had dominated their interaction and although Harry had given him words of encouragement and advice, the moment Aodhan had returned home it had been difficult to not fall back into feeling how he did before he had opened up to his friend. He had told Harry that he didn’t want to go back home, and yet he had had to. He felt a flicker of something unnameable in his chest when he thought how he really didn’t want to go back home this time and how much he hoped he wouldn’t have to.

As if to remind him of why he was even here, the bruise by Aodhan’s eye ached and Aodhan caught himself just in time from reaching up to it. He looked back at Cas as the other blonde spoke, asking him where he planned to stay. Well at least Aodhan could answer that question. As much as his mind had a tendency to wander, he was glad of the fact that Cas was practical and grounded him focus. However, Aodhan had to admit that this time didn’t feel like his usually impulsive choices. Yes he was here because of his own temper and stubbornness, but how he had got here. . .where he was. . .ever since his conversation with Harry, he had hoped that someday he could make it this far. Granted, he had thought he was a longer way off than almost two months.

“We can worry about where you’ll stay for your training after you’ve aced the interview, but now, before the interview, what’s the plan?” His brother continued and Aodhan felt some of the surety he had felt from knowing the answer to Cas’ first question fade a little. “Have you everything you need?” Aodhan felt himself bite the inside of his lip as he considered the questions before managing a small, relatively abrupt nod, Cas’ straight-forward approach helping him to focus on the task at hand. “I’ve got enough for a room here tonight. . .” He explained before adding, “and I packed some things in here,” he gestured to the kit bag next to him on the floor. Even in his haste to leave, he knew exactly what he had wanted and needed to pack, even just for twenty-four hours. He had practiced the packing spell for weeks imagining each time that he had what it would finally be like to actually leave everything else behind. It didn’t quite feel how he had imagined it now, but he had what he needed.

He added softly after a moment, “I have clothes for the interview, they’re a little big, but they fit okay, s’not much but I don’t really have all that much.” He watched Cas, green-blue eyes attempting to check if the answers he was giving were the right answers just then and cheeks flushed pink from the probably unnecessary information he had provided. It was only obvious to Aodhan that he was thinning out when he caught sight of himself in the mirror and saw how loose his clothes looked on him. Though whether it had anything to do with genetics and more to do with the exceedingly long walks he took to spend as much time out of the house as he could, he wasn’t sure, perhaps a combination of both. He gave a gentle one shouldered shrug to show Cas that that was it, that was his answer. . . ”As for the rest. . .I don’t know Cas.” this was the best he could do, and he tried his best to settle the uncomfortable feeling that told him once again that perhaps the interview would be out of his reach regardless of how far he had come.