why did you come?

Aside from being with Hazel, Benito had only ever felt at peace in the kitchen. And, once he lost the only thing he cared about more than cooking, he put all of his efforts and time into his work. Food was all he had after that, and he vowed not to lose that as well.

Opening night had been his chance to finally break out onto his own. It was also his chance to start trying to win back the only woman he cared about. He knew he'd fucked up, but he was still holding out hope for a second, and last, chance. He did her wrong; he knew that, but he had not been in his right mind that night, and he only wanted an opportunity to explain to her what happened. She never let him.

Things were going smoothly until she'd shown up with a date. When he sent her the invitation along with a plus one, he expected her to bring someone with her. He just hadn’t expected it to be a date. The idea of that guy's hands on her made him so angry. And, when he saw her initiating their kiss, he saw only red. And that's when the night took a turn for the worse.

Between the alcohol in his system and the loss of blood, Benito passed out on the hospital bed. He never got the chance to tell the nurses not to bother Hazel, as she was still listed as his emergency contact. He never needed to worry about changing it before now, so he never did it. She wouldn’t come anyway. That, he was sure of.

His head was pounding, and his mouth was dry. What the hell happened? he asked himself as he tried to move but was unsuccessful. He then began to feel an intense throbbing in his hand, and he inwardly groaned. The memory of earlier flooded back to him, and he found himself growing angry with himself.

But, then, he felt a presence beside him, and he knew who it was without needing to open his eyes. He knew the feel of her beside him, something he knew he'd never forget. She came. He was elated to know she still cared if that was even the case. "Hazel?" he managed to croak, his dry mouth stopping him from sounding like his usual self.

He was barely aware of what was going on around him. The only thing he could think about right now was the fact that Hazel was there and that she had come after the hospital called her. Her coming had to mean she still cared, though the level of that was still to be determined. So when he woke and said her name, the relief in her voice made him smile.

She asked how he was feeling, followed by asking him what happened, and he felt a sense of shame wash over him. In all of his years working in a kitchen, he's never cut himself like this before. He's never been so sloppy or stupid. But seeing her with that man at the opening of his restaurant had him acting all kinds of crazy. Before he could say anything, however, she was glaring at him and asking him if he had planned all of this.

He stared at her with an open mouth, his voice lost as he tried to process what she was blaming him for. Did she honestly think he would do something like this just so he could have her come running to the hospital to show she cared? Why would she even think that? She called herself stupid and then got off the bed and grabbed her stuff. She was going to leave and Benito knew he needed to do something to keep her there.

"Why would I do this on purpose?" he asked as he started to slowly get off the bed. It was a stupid idea on his part because he felt dizzy the moment he did and he had to grab hold of the bed to keep himself from falling. "You honestly think I would practically cut my own fucking finger off just so I could get you to come here?" he asked incredulously, his annoyance in her low opinion of him showing.

He then sat down on the bed, his body no longer able to support his entire weight and ran his hands through his damp hair. "Fucking hell, Hazel. The only reason you were still listed as my emergency contact is because I never got around to changing it. It's not like I had anyone else to list," he said flatly. "And I had passed out before I could tell them not to call you," he added, as if that made all the difference.

"Besides, I thought you’d be too wrapped up in your date's bed to come anyway," he said, his tone dripping of bitterness and disdain. He had yet to yell at her for bringing a date to his opening and parade him in front of Benito like he was a prize. Yeah, he had fucked up royally when she caught him with her sister, but he had never meant for that to happen. He was drunk out of his mind and he hadn’t even been aware of what was happening until it was too late. And he had been suffering for it ever since. "But, you didn't believe me before, so why the hell would you believe me now?" he thought out loud.

When Benito woke up and found Hazel in his hospital room, he never expected to have to defend himself to her. She might have been inconvenienced by having to come to the hospital, but she never had to come. There was no obligation to come, and she owed him nothing. So, why had she come? That was a question he wanted answered, but he knew she would never give him that answer. No, instead, she was yelling at him.

Again.

When she told him that she didn't know who he was or what he was capable of anymore, he felt as if he had just been stabbed in the heart. His eyes widened slightly as he started back at her, huis mind whirling with thoughts of how to explain to her, or even show her, that he was still the same man she had once been married to, that she had been in love with, before everything went to shit. He hadn't changed at all, and, yet, she somehow thought he had.

But, why?

He ducked when her shoe went flying towards him, even though it missed hitting him. He was sure she meant to hit him, though, at the same time, he also wondered if she purposely missed him because he was still in the hospital. But, given her early comments, she likely didn't give a rat's ass if he was in the hospital or not. As far as she was concerned, he was there because he planned to be, so that he could get her here. An entirely rubbish idea, in his opinion, but obviously not to her.

She was then telling him that he lost any right to be involved in who she dated because he had fucked her sister. He stood there and stared at her as the emotions and memory of that night came back with a vengeance, haunting them both in different ways. She had never let him explain what happened that night, as she seemed to draw her own conclusions from what she saw. And while the eyes never lied, there was so much more to that situation than she knew, but never cared to learn. Was it because she just never really cared about him? Or had her sister poisoned her even more against him with lies of that night's events?

But, before he could say anything on the matter, she was speaking, and he knew better than to not listen. Tears were falling down her face as she spoke to him, her emotions shining through without care or worry of being seen. His heart broke as he watched her cry, realizing that he had done that to her. He had brought her to this point, even if he never intended to do so. He hated himself for what he had done, but, more so, he hated her sister for causing the entire situation. He never liked Cora, though he always tolerated her because she was Hazel's little sister.

He ruined everything. That is what she said, as he had to close his eyes for a moment to reign in his own emotions before he spoke. He was not letting her out of this hospital room without saying his share on the matter, whether she liked it or not. She hadn’t let him speak then, but he was sure as hell going to speak now. She spoke once more, telling him that she hoped it was all worth it, and he opened his eyes and looked at her, his own tears threatening to spill down his face.

"Nothing would ever be worth losing you, Hazel," he said to her, his voice soft and coarse from his own emotions pushing past his barriers. "I loved you so much. I still love you so much, and I never wanted to hurt you," he said, his voice starting to get a bit stronger as he pulled himself together. "That night, what you saw," he started, but stopped as he took a deep breath, "that was not the whole story. I don’t know what you think you know about that night, but it is not as black and white as it may seem," he said.

"I was at Johnny's bachelor party. You know I was going. And I tried not to have more than a drink or two. You know I don’t like to drink, but the guys kept feeding me drinks. They said I needed to join them and have fun with them. So, I had a few more than my usual. I didn't think it was a big deal. It was harmless fun. Just me and the guys. But, then, I was too far gone and unable to get home on my own. Your sister was there that night, popping over to our party a few minutes before we all left. She offered to help me home since she knew you weren't home to come get me. I refused at first. You know I never really liked your sister. There was just always something about her that rubbed me the wrong way. But she insisted. Said she was just trying to help me," he said, saying it all so fast so she wouldn’t be able to interrupt him with her own thoughts and beliefs on what happened that night.

"As soon as I got home, I thanked her and told her she could go. Without even checking to see if she had left, which was clearly stupid on my part, I stumbled towards our bedroom so I could go to bed. I started to take my clothes off so I could go to bed and then she was behind me, telling me that she would help me. I told her to leave, that I didn't need her help, but she insisted. I was so drunk; I had no strength to stop her. She was on me in a moment, pulling at my clothes and pushing me back onto our bed. I kept telling her to leave, that you’d be home soon, and she told me that she didn't care, that she was counting on you coming home soon. I tried pushing her off, but she was stronger than me then. I'm not proud to admit that, but it's the truth," he told her, hating to admit that even now, but he knew he had to.

"She had only just climbed on top of me when you came home. You might have heard me say her name, but it was not because I was enjoying what was happening. Not in the slightest bit. I was trying to get her to leave me alone, to leave our home, and go back to whatever rock she crawled out from under. But it was too late. You walked in and found her on top of me and assumed the worst of me. I can’t blame you for it, since what you saw was not the best sight, but you never let me explain. You never let me tell you what happened. You assumed I wanted to be with your sister, that I wanted to lose you and throw away the best thing that ever happened to me. You say I hurt you, and I know I did, but you hurt me too, Hazel. You believed the absolute worst of me when you promised to always love me, and stand by me."

He was in tears now and he made no motion to wipe them away. Why bother? He stopped there, though, knowing that he had just thrown a lot of information at her. But he knew that the biggest thing he had said was that her sister basically raped him, even though he didn't actually use those words. Would she realize that, though? Or would she still think he was lying and accuse him further of something he never did?

Telling Hazel what happened that night had not been easy. To admit that he had been weak and defenseless, and had let a woman much smaller and weaker than him overtake him in such a way. No man would find it easy to admit such a thing, but he knew he needed to forego his ego this time, for Hazel.

He should have forced her to listen to him long before now, but he knew she never would have listened to him. Hell, he didn't even know if she would listen to him now. But he was sure as hell going to tell her now. He needed to tell her now and she needed to know now.

By the time he was done telling her what really happened that night, he was in tears, but didn't care. Why should he care? He was a grown man basically groveling at his ex-wife's feet because he wanted her back. He'd do a lot more than cry if he had to. If it meant she would believe him.

But then she told him that she saw him kissing Cora, and that she hadn't imagined that. Before he could say anything else, she told him that she found it convenient that he left that part out of his story. She told him that she didn't imagine seeing him kissing her sister like he wanted to and she needed a damn good reason to believe him.

Benito swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought about his words, before he spoke. He knew saying anything hastily would result in losing everything all over again and he wasn't sure he could handle that again. He looked at her as he thought about what to say and he then realized that there was nothing he could say that would ever make her forgive him. She would never let him back in, no matter what.

But he wasn't going to give up now.

"You did see me kissing Cora that night. But if you thought I actually would prefer her to you, than I honestly do not know who you were kissing for the three years we were married. Because no one, not even your piece of shit sister, could compare to you," he told her. He didn’t feel the least bit bad at calling Cora a piece of shit because that's what she was. She ruined his life and her sister's life without a care for them. Fuck her, as far as he was concerned.

"Look, maybe it did look like I was enjoying it when you walked in at the most calculated moment of our lives, but I can honestly say that I never wanted to kiss anyone other than you. And I still don’t," he said. He wanted to reach for, and he started to, but then he stopped, knowing that she would likely hex him if he tried. He sighed then, unsure of what else he could possibly say to make her believe him. Why did she not want to believe him?