Things Could Be Worse {{Enzo}}

Nate watched, half amused, half curious as the frown remained on the other man’s face. He wasn’t really surprised, he figured no one would really be able to understand what he meant unless they had been in a similar issue themselves. Though he reminded himself that he couldn’t just assume that the man sitting opposite him didn’t understand. Perhaps he just didn’t see it the way Nate himself did. Perhaps he was still confused why Nate wouldn’t want to track down the person or people who had attacked him.

”How noble,” Delarosa replied after a moment and it was Nate’s turn for a reaction. His left brow quirked upwards at the statement. He wouldn’t consider it noble, what he was doing. He would be reluctant to say he was noble at all. He certainly didn’t feel noble when he was giving his statement to the press. He felt more like a piece of meat dangling in front of them than a human being just then. He felt pangs of anxiety at the knowledge that he had nothing more to hide behind. He felt disappointed that despite all his parents preaching about family and how important it was to support eachother. He had known a long time ago that that sentiment did not include him, but part of him had hoped that when push came to shove his family would be there. He knew he only had himself to blame for that, trusting without proof.


”You know it’s no one’s business, right?” Nate looked up just then, his gaze having flicked to the exit momentarily before the words sunk in and he pursed his lips in a polite response nodding faintly. He knew, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t feel a sense of responsibility.

”You know you don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially not the parasites in the media. I get the whole ‘out and proud’ thing is important to some people but, really, it shouldn’t be news that you’re into dudes. Who gives a fuck who you fuck?” A small smile formed as he listened to Delarosa and he felt himself letting out an amused breath as the man continued, ”Your problem is you’re too nice. Always have been,” well Delarosa did have a point. It was a phrase that had followed Nate all through school. Usually it was followed by him trying to apologise for something that Zach had done. Trying to be the better brother, the kind brother. At school it had filled him with a sense of pride, that people found him kind, that he was clearly different from Zach and recognised as someone different, his own person. Now though, as he had grown older and wiser to the world around him, he didn’t feel so complimented anymore. Yes it felt good to be kind, to receive gratitude from others. He enjoyed helping others and being noticed for it, whether it was charity work of giving someone who deserved a place on the team their chance but it didn’t feel as special anymore. It felt tainted and Nate wasn’t sure why.

”You need to learn to tell people to fuck off when they cross a line and ask shit they don’t need to know. Some folks feel entitled to know everything about everything and it’s bullshit. But you’re a big boy now. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself.”

Nate looked back at Delarosa, the man’s words hitting a nerve but not a bad one. He was right, and finally Nate understood that it wasn’t necessarily a need to be mean to anyone, he didn’t have to be cruel like Zach or his parents, but he did need to set boundaries. In a way he had, for a long time, from the start of his career, he had not spoken about his private life and he had only answered questions about his career, but in a way he had only been avoiding them not making the conscious choice to not answer them. He hadn’t felt comfortable about it, comfortable in himself but not with himself, and that had translated into living a somewhat double life without him having intended to. This was the end of that, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t still feel inclined to compartmentalise things. If not his love-life, then what could he keep to himself?

“I’ve never told anyone to –,” Nate faltered. He didn’t swear normally and the word felt strange on his tongue, “fuck, off.” He looked back at Delarosa feeling uncomfortable for swearing despite the other man clearly not having a problem with it. Perhaps this truly highlight how strictly Nate had been living by rules, the fact that a word could make him feel dirty.

TAG: LORENZO DELAROSA
OUTFIT: Dark grey sweatpants and a dark green hoodie
NOTES: Hope this is alright, need anything changed just shout!

Nate watched as the man before him smiled at his admittance and he found himself relaxing a little, even with not feeling entirely comfortable with what he had just said. It was strange, there were plenty of things he had done that should by other people’s definitions make him feel gross, and yet it was the words he used that caused him to second guess himself. Perhaps because, despite being rather talkative and being able to talk to everyone, Nate still tried his best to make sure what he was saying was the right thing. Even today, when he had sat in front of a room full of the wizarding worlds press, he had been sure to keep his words to the point. He had said nothing more than what he had planned to because he had that fear that his words were going to be misconstrued, as they had been so often when he had tried to be open and honest about who he was. It was why, for so long, he had only answered questions about how games had went. He had always managed to avoid certain questions and he knew he would continue to do so, but he also knew that where before he would have got maybe one out of ten questions about his private life the ratio going on from here would drastically shift.

”Oh, you’ll love it when you get started,” Delarosa told him and Nate felt the light breath of amusement leave his lips, turning briefly into a soft chuckle before he pursed his lips and glanced down to his hot chocolate.

”It’s just like anything,” Nate glanced back to him as he continued and smiled softly. ”Practice makes perfect.”

The other man fixed him with a steady gaze just then and Nate felt the momentary smile slowly ease from his features as he looked back at him, understanding the look to mean that he was going to be given some advice.

”Listen, I’m not suggesting you should be a bastard about it,” he watched as Delarosa shrugged and noticed instantly the sharp withdrawal from the action, pursing his own lips as he looked over the other man, concern replacing the embarrassment he had just been feeling. He opened his mouth to ask if he was alright but Delarosa continued

"Don’t think you’ve got it in you, to be honest. But people will take and take from you until you make them stop, even if what they’re taking is your privacy.” Nate felt his lips purse as he nodded, showing that he was listening. His gaze dipped to his drink and he lifted the mug to his lips as he listened. ”You’ve got to learn to put your foot down. Decide what you’re comfortable sharing and stick to it. No one’s entitled to know things about you you’re not happy to share, even when you’re famous.”

Nate swallowed down a large mouthful of the warm liquid as he considered Delarosa’s words and he finally lowered his mug, nodding. “Yeah. . .you’re right. I mean, it’s not like I never realised that, and I have done my best to keep certain things from the public, to myself. It’s just now the things that I was keeping private are out there, and as private as I try to be from now on, it’s going to be more difficult. . .” he trailed off, about to say that it would be more difficult to know if others were being genuine because he realised that he didn’t want the other man to think that he didn’t think Delarosa was being genuine. As it stood, he was one of the few so far who had gave him something to think about other than what a mess he had caused or was in. it was refreshing to hear that there were things he could do rather than just make a statement and feel he was at the hands of the people who had caused this all, his family or the media.

What was more refreshing was that he doubted Delarosa was telling him any of this just because of who he was. They were not friends, they had only attended the same school, so he knew that the man held no loyalty to him, nor did he seem to really be concerned with Nate’s profession. Nate had to appreciate that the other man was talking to him just because, that itself held more significant for Nate. There was no reason for Delarosa to care or be kind.


TAG: LORENZO DELAROSA
OUTFIT: Dark grey sweatpants and a dark green hoodie
NOTES: Need anything changed just shout!

”Why?” Delarosa asked and Nate looked back at him, his lips parting slightly as he considered how he were to explain his reasoning to the other man while at the same time wondering if he even should. Nevertheless what he was about to say did not leave his lips as the other man continued, ”so they know your big secret. So what? Doesn’t mean they get to know everything by default. Doesn’t mean you have to discuss your personal life if you don’t want to.” Nate pursed his lips gently at this. He knew that the other man was right. He knew that in reality, no matter what anyone else knew – whether told by him or otherwise – it did not mean that everyone knew everything. Nate had been toying with the thought that despite how sociable he had been at school, there were very few people who knew him. His profession had seen an end to any friends he had managed to hold on to after graduating, and he had never admitted to any of them what he had been thinking about or worrying about. He had only even shared that with Zach, and for a while Isobel, but his best friend from school was now married to his brother and he had not been able to talk to her in years. Just like all the times before he felt a dull ache as he thought about her and how if they were still friends now how she would have been the one he would have wanted to see, to talk to and trust.

”No offence, mate, but you’re a quidditch player. What you do off the pitch is no one’s concern but your own.”

He was grateful for Delarosa pulling him from his thoughts just then, realising that they were on the edge of a place he didn’t like to go very often. Nate gave him an appreciative smile, for the latter and the message he was presenting. He had done his best to keep his personal life and work life separate. Perhaps that was why everything felt so dysfunctional now? He had gone for so long compartmentalising everything that there was no one who knew all of him, no one he could share it with. It was times like this that he wished that he and Zach were not so different, that he could trust his brother. Deep down he knew that if Zach were to ask for help he would still give him it, as was Nate’s nature to want to be needed. . .but this was rarely something that was returned in kind.

”Just because someone asks a question, doesn’t mean you have to answer it.”

Nate felt himself nod, an automatic reaction, to want to agree with Delarosa but he did. He knew that what the man was saying was right. He knew that it was in him to say no. he had refused hundreds of questions before about his personal life, but that was when they were asking him about females. Being gay had been something that Nate had only uttered to one other person before this morning. It wasn’t a case of just saying no to questions, it was easy to say no when the questions held no relevance or were easy to predict, but he couldn’t predict what he was going to be asked now, or he could but he was so new to the concept of people being aware that he was sure he wouldn’t feel so confident. Being gay was something he had kept quiet, he had never had to scream about or discuss with anyone. . .it wasn’t something he had been able to talk about or understand, and now he didn’t have the chance to explore it anymore without feeling like the world had a clear view to it all.

The latter was something that worried him for as used to being in the public eye as he was, this had been something he had held very close, so close. The idea that the world knew felt like he was being stripped of a piece of himself that he’d been protecting for a very very long time. And yet he only managed to nod in agreement to what Delarosa had just said, doubting that the other man would understand or even want to hear the thoughts Nate had been sitting on.


TAG: LORENZO DELAROSA
OUTFIT: Dark grey sweatpants and a dark green hoodie
NOTES: Need anything changed just shout!

A moment’s silence fell in which Nate digested the words the other man had said, how he felt about them and the fresh new realisations about himself that had come to the fore as a result of the latter. He realised that despite thinking that he had spent a lot of time thinking about his situation, he realised that his mind had been frustratingly blank. It was refreshing to have coherent thoughts come through. If he were not confined to the hospital for now he would have went on a flight to work his way through them, but instead he only had the other man to bounce them off and he wasn’t sure if Delarosa would appreciate this.

As if in answer to this the other man shrugged and pulled back from the table. Nate felt something in his sink and he realised it was the company that he had been appreciating. Before he could stop himself his lips were parting to speak.

“Delarosa?” Nate looked at the other man, feeling unsure of himself despite the easy question he was about to post, it seemed that he had been stripped of more than just his secrets as of late. “Thank you. . .” he trailed off a moment before he managed to ask, “would you mind having lunch with me tomorrow? It’s pretty quiet where I am, and I’d appreciate the company.” He watched the other man’s face as his index finger tapped lightly on the side of his mug. He didn’t expect the other man to take him up on the offer, he doubted he had really advertised himself as good company for the past while but it was still worth a try. Eating lunch by himself was starting to get to him, and the lack of socialising that the hospital allowed for was starting to drain on Nate’s extrovert nature.

TAG: LORENZO DELAROSA
OUTFIT: Dark grey sweatpants and a dark green hoodie
NOTES: Need anything changed just shout!